PHOEBE GRACE TAYLOR HER LIFE and LOVES
 
Phoebe was born in the Lake District in 1989. I am her mum. 
A lifetime of working with the dying – but nothing has prepared me for this.
 
Phoebe was alive for 17 million minutes – I have just 7 minutes to share what she loved.
 
People have sent cards and say they have no words. 
 
Phoebe always had words. She talked way before she walked
She loved words so much
Their origin, their complexity, their beauty
She knew every word to every song in Hamilton – she spent a whole month’s salary to see it in New York – she loved the rhymes and the references.
Strike while the irony is hot was one of her favourite lyrics from a Dessa song.
 
And she loved languages
She was fluent in Spanish – she was watching ‘Money Heist’ without subtitles until last week
She delighted in learning Portuguese online during lockdown
‘Some of my best friends are linguists’ she used to joke
Lyndon, Graeme and Ellie.
 
She was born in Cumbria
She loved the mountains and the lakes
On her last zoom with Sammy and I – she said how much she missed the mountains
She couldn’t wait to visit her Dad’s new house overlooking Derwent Water.
 
Her holidays in the Lakes have been much loved – exhausting rain-soaked beauty – many times with her dear companions from birth Rebecca, Bridget, Phil and Jo – and more recently with 12 friends in a house near Windermere 
Pat, Adam, Iona, Andrew, Max and many more
She was so sad in the terrible year of 2020 that the Lakes trip was cancelled.
 
For those Lakes companions joining us today – she was incredulous that so few of you wanted to go on an 18 mile walk in the pouring rain with her?
 
Then we moved south and off to Berkhamsted School – and friendships that have lasted since the age of 8.
 
She chose the tallest girls, twins Kir and Cat as her best friends– and was intensely irritated that I could never tell them apart. Kir, Kat and Emma, here today, were zooming weekly with Phoebe during lockdown, friends for over 22 years.
 
And then St Albans Girls School at 16 – the purple phase in full flow by now. 
 
She was sent to the Headmistress to justify her purple hair – Phoebe somehow rationalised it on the basis of human rights – it has continued and defined her. 
She so loved purple. I am honouring that love today.
 
She forged more strong friendships– two friends called Amy in particular.
She loved classics and all things ancient. A best day for Phoebe was a day immersed in the British Museum with Amy Chang and hot chocolate afterwards. 
 
And Amy Woodworth – became a friend for life – sharing a love of sci-fi. Phoebe always said she was proud to be a nerd.
 
Her parent’s divorce was a painful and sad time in the life of our family but Phoebe wisely decided that she would make the most of her separated parents and maintained a strong and loving bond with both of us. 
 
And then off to Clare College, Cambridge.
She studied Modern Languages and obtained a first-class degree
Cambridge was an enlightening time, a time of love and discovery.
 
I know she supported so many friends through the traumas of academic pressures and complex relationships – and I have learnt much more about this since her death.
 
The WhatsApp Group of shared memories from 82 friends this week have revealed extraordinary stories of Phoebe’s compassion for her friends - one said that her ability to support them with stillness, without solutions or judgement, has taught them how to be a better junior doctor.
 
Words like ferociously bright, incredibly funny, radiant, loving, extraordinarily kind.
People have shared postcards and presents that she bought for them with the most moving of hand-written messages to her friends.
 
So she left Cambridge and we were convinced that she would do a Masters and then a PhD, and be an academic. But she said no more essays.
 
She wanted to join the real world. Her first job was as deputy manager in a charity shop linked to my Hospice. She was loved by the volunteers, intrigued by the contents of black plastic bags and often made us laugh sharing the bizarre donations – live ammunition, bottles of vodka and once a bride’s dress for a wedding due in a few days time that the bride’s father mistakenly brought to the charity shop. Phoebe saved the day by tracking him down.
 
And then to Ian Fleming Publications – curating the literary legacy of James Bond. She was an absolute expert on Bond – knew what he ate for breakfast, lunch and tea in every book.
She hated the character for many reasons– but loved the small team she worked with. Her boss Corinne, here today, said she added magic and mastery to all she did.
 
And then to Pan Macmillan – leading global publishers. Again she enjoyed the team, but found that her love of literature was being challenged by having to read and assess so many second-rate novels.
And the corporate life was getting to her – the hierarchy, the poorly paid women, the vast profits.
 
So she left.
 
And the happiest period in recent years was her time temping for different charities, knocking processes into shape, making a difference every day to these organisations. Every charity she worked for wanted her to stay on.
 
She loved the impermanence of temping
And had recently decided to go back to that way of working.
 
She was so unmaterialistic, spent all her money on others, would accept little from her parents, brought astounding presents for her many friends and gave most of her salary to charity.
She was horrified by the many injustices in our society and was increasingly drawn to working with the homeless.
 
She had many passions, famously Doctor Who, so many books and TV series – many of you listening will know all these. 
 
I was with Phoebe just a week before she died. We made chicken soup together and she was delighted with this new skill.
 
I asked her what mattered most to her, what made her happy, when we met just 7 days before she died. 
 
She said : her friends, her little cousins Anna and Mila, mountains, sci-fi, ice-cream  but mainly her friends. 
Anna and Mila, 8 and 5 are heartbroken – Phoebe was reading Harry Potter over Zoom to Anna during lockdown.
 
I realise now her occupation was not an Editor
Her occupation was being a Friend
 
And who else was there in her life?
 
Her brother Sammy –  it was difficult to be Phoebe’s brother – she was so light and bright all the time. They were both secretly in awe of each other’s talents.
Their relationship was getting stronger and I know she was looking forward to more time with Sammy and Zanna.  Sammy you have been so strong for us since Phoebe died.
 
And her father Carl who loves her so much and was looking forward to walking the mountains with her.
 
And her grandmother Fay aged 97 – who facetimed with Phoebe every Sunday for months. 
 
Aunties, uncles, wonderful cousins – so many lives she lit up.
 
And lastly her flatmate, Saloni – with whom she shared so much in recent years.
The gloom of lockdown got to Phoebe
 
For someone surviving on the fuel of friendship, lock down was terrible for her
 
We don’t know why she died – maybe we will never know 
 
I believe Phoebe was finding her calling in life, was true to what she cared deeply about. Her friends said she could never be deflected from her mission and beliefs.
 
But she has left us after 31 years and we now have to cherish what she taught us – and she taught us so much about what really matters in life
 
 
Be kind 
 
Be generous
 
Climb mountains
 
Don’t waste time working too hard – she sent me flowers in January as she had heard that I had said NO to some new role – she thought the flowers would be good positive reinforcement to saying more NO’s
 
She made us laugh
She was a vital spark, 
A free radical
 
 
And in the words of Leonard Cohen :
So come, my friends, be not afraid.
We are so lightly here.
It is in love that we are made
In love we disappear